We don’t mean to alarm you, but in the same way that your taxes will soon be due and you’ll either get a nice little return or go to prison for tax fraud, there’s another big annual milestone creeping up. We’re talking, of course, about Mother’s Day.
We’re tempted to make a well-placed “your mama” joke here, but the truth is that we’ve probably never met your mother and know nothing about what she’s like. That said, all moms fit into a few great archetypes, and those can easily be represented by some of our favourite pop culture matriarchs.
In other words, without introducing us to your wonderful mother, you can figure out which kind she is through the handy piece below.
THE TAMI TAYLOR
Is your mother overwhelmingly wise, involved in the lives of everyone around them, interested in local sports and just, generally, the greatest? That means she’s a Tami Taylor — that clear-eyed, full-hearted mother from the endlessly watchable television series Friday Night Lights. Get her the #1 Mom Tea Towel so she knows she’s the greatest (and so she can keep cleaning up everyone’s messes).
THE GWYNETH PALTROW
Yeah, we know that Gwyneth Paltrow is a real-life person and not a character, but her various lifestyle routines sound entirely fictional. So if your mom is the kind of upper class diva who hits a spa after every flight, refuses to eat processed foods and believes in bonkers new fads like bee stings as a beauty aid, well, frankly, we’re sure she doesn’t need any more wacky products in her house. But she might need something to carry all of her weird ointments and creams, and that’s where the Etcetera Leather Tote comes into play.
THE LORELAI GILMORE
Do you spend all of your free time with your mom discussing, ordering and gorging on delicious food in front of the TV set? Yeah, we know the type — that’s the Lorelai Gilmore you’re dealing with. And the thing is, there’s all kinds of stuff you could get her for Mother’s Day (anything from pizza to Chinese takeout), but she’ll feel the most special if you perfectly capture her entire Hangry identity in one simple, comfy T-shirt.
THE LUCILLE BLUTH
Not all moms are encouraging, positive role models. Some are, well, downright mean. If you were created by a cranky old lady, that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate her with a special holiday gift. Instead, reenforce her negative attitude in style with our wonderfully designed mug. No really does mean do.
THE ARLENE DICKINSON
There’s nothing wrong with having a good ol’ Canadian mom, eh. Maybe she lathers everything in poutine sauce, makes you sing the national anthem before dinner or argues hockey stats with her significant other. Maybe it was even her idea to make you go to hockey practice at 5 a.m. every week as a kid. Either way, your Canuck mama clearly loves the simple pleasures of her home and native land, so get her the perfect coffee pin for her Canadian tuxedo.
THE KRIS JENNER
What if your mom is well-meaning and kind, but also a controlling super genius? That’d make her a Kris Jenner. Look, from all we can tell, Kris is a wonderful lady who’s willing to give her entire family of K-named children plenty of her time. But she’s also a self-described “momager” who’s managed to turn every aspect of her family’s lives into a massive media empire. That officially make’s her the World’s Okay-ish Mom.