There are plenty of articles out there about how to act at your office’s holiday functions. You know — don’t drink too much, don’t insult the boss’s spouse, don’t tell everyone what you secretly think of them. Those are helpful and all, but holiday shindigs only happen once a year. What if you want to keep the good times rollin’ year round? Fortunately, we’ve got you hooked up. Here’s how to party on every day of the week.
Perfect the Playlist
Want to break up Karen’s boring weekend anecdotes or Bob’s painful spreadsheet talks with some brain-busting party jams? You owe it to yourself to make the perfect work playlist. If you’ve got the sort of job that allows for headphones, air guitar under your desk to some Mean Jeans, fist pump to some Andrew WK, curse under your breath with 2 Live Crew rap anthems or spend the day digging into an entire new genre. Who says you can’t become an expert on Krautrock on a Wednesday afternoon? If you must share your music with others, make it karaoke friendly. Your workplace will be a lot more fun if everyone’s belting out the lyrics to “Mr. Brightside” or “Wrecking Ball.” The point is, the more effort you put into your playlists, the more your work will feel like a party — the reason everyone’s so depressed might have something to do with the barely audible AM radio gently pushing soft rock into the atmosphere.
Snack in Secret
The key to a great party is the ideal snacking situation, and your cubicle has got all kinds of nooks and crannies to store some delicious treats. For starters, there’s no denying that you need a ton of Cheetos hidden under your desk if you’re going to get through the week. But there are plenty of other creative options for secret snacking. For example, why not make a file in your filing cabinet to store flat items like Fruit Roll-Ups or full tortillas? Just mark it “Back Taxes 2011” and no one will ever know. You could also put some pepperoni sticks in your pencil case, or remove a ceiling pane and hide some chocolate bars up there. Also, don’t forget that the CD-ROM drive you never use in your computer is the perfect cup holder for a Big Gulp. It’s like the classic saying (that we just made up) goes: a snacky worker is a happy worker.
Liquify Your Lunch
Speaking of big gulps, you may as well use your lunch break as an opportunity to hit up Happy Hour. Just add a brew or two to your bill as a way to ease through the afternoon. Or, if you’re feeling extra exotic, throw down a couple of margaritas. Not only is it a fun way to start pregaming for whatever you’re up to after work, but it’s also a great way to get the party started while on the clock. And major bonus points if you can think of a way to get your boss to pay for the booze.
Slack in the Bathroom
Once you’ve got a belly full of junk food and (hopefully free) adult beverages, you’re probably going to crash pretty hard at around 3 p.m. Of course, that doesn’t mean the party’s over! It just means it’s time for a change of scenery. Specifically, it’s time for you to go chill in a bathroom stall for a little while. Load up your smartphone or tablet with some addictive games or your favourite Seinfeld episodes, settle into your favourite toilet seat and let your worries wash away. No one’s going to question what you’re doing in the bathroom, so it’s really your own private paradise. Plus, if you start hanging out in the same bathroom every day, you can start stocking it with some more secret snacks or toilet beers.
Dress for the Part(y)
Most importantly, if you want to be a party animal you first must dress like a party animal. That means pushing “business casual” to the furthest possible extreme. Sure, you’ve got to be presentable (like a square), but we’ve got the perfect accessory to add some chill to your outfit. Pay tribute to the gods of partying while still suiting up for work with our brand new Party On! Cufflinks. They’re the perfect item to add a little bit of beer-chugging, pizza-chomping, air-guitaring party to your otherwise dull business attire. Then, when casual Friday rolls around, go one step further and wear Wayne’s signature cut off jean shorts. There’s no better way to stick it to the man.