What’s new: Little Jerk Balloons

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Parents know that sometimes, very occasionally, even the most adorable and angelic child can be a bit of a jerk. Little Jerk Balloons™ are for those moments.

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  • They can withstand hours of interrogation, but ask them to keep your spouse’s birthday gift a secret and they can’t make it 11 seconds.
  • You caught them drawing on the walls and they still tried to blame it on their sibling.
  • You saw them take another child’s toy with your own eyes and they denied it.
  • Bottom line: They lie. All the time. About everything.

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  • They ordered something, decided they hated it, then ate your dinner.
  • They slid down their seat onto the floor, sobbing, because a single pea dared to touch the potatoes.
  • They threw their glass of juice on the floor because it was “too cold.”
  • They screamed, “I hate you!” because you wouldn’t let them eat ice cream for breakfast.

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  • They’re the reason you won’t get your security deposit back.
  • They spilled a milkshake in your car and now your car smells worse than New York in August.
  • They treat you like a human napkin.
  • They peed in the bouncy castle at your boss’ kid’s birthday party.

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  • They’ve always wanted to ride a pony except for the time they actually got a chance to ride a pony.
  • That trip to the amusement park was not amusing for anyone because vomit.
  • It took 45 minutes to get from the front door to the car because they freaked out about putting on socks.
  • They’ve perfected the fine art of untimely pooping.

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  • You’re hoping their penchant for removing their pants in public is just a phase.
  • They saw someone who looked different at the park, so they pointed and started crying and you can never go that park again ever.
  • They’re the reason you hear “clean-up in aisle four” every time you go to the grocery store.
  • You took to them to a movie and they repaid you by standing up and talking the entire time.

Fairgoods is an online shop that sells type and fun gifts that use that type.

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